#3 - NIN is for Lovers

The year was 1995. I was 16 and was had been a big fan of going "online" and posting on BBs about music. All you could do was post comment threads and kinda email people, and it was very primitive. I loved it. I challenged other Nine Inch Nails fans to trivia battles, created a little alter ego for myself, and met a lot of interesting people. One guy I met, Cobalt, was in a band in Detroit, was an artist, and seemed super cool. I gave him my home address and we started exchanging pictures and mix tapes (1995!!) and very flowery sentiments. He was quite handsome. We made plans to run away together, but we both seemed to realize that this probably wouldn't actually happen. It was all very romantic. So imagine my surprise when I get an message from him announcing that he was driving through the state where I grew up and had booked a hotel room in the town where I lived.
Without a moment's hesitation, I drove to the hotel. Even now I cringe when I think about it. I knocked on the door, he opened it, I walked in, and....... it was the most fucking awkward experience I've ever had. We seemed to hate each other on sight, and kinda made small talk and weirdly argued for about 20 minutes. This was not the romantic experience I had been hoping for. I got up to leave, and he came over and hugged me goodbye. I turned around, got into my car, and drove home, shaking, as it had just occurred to me that I could have been raped or kidnapped or killed.
We never spoke again. Apparently we were better off cooing at each other electronically. Cobalt, if you're out there, thanks for not hurting/raping/kidnapping/

killing me. My mom would thank you too, if she knew.

#1 - Casual Encounters

On a recent trip back to a city where I used to live, I had a casual encounter.

Upon arriving in said city and hanging out with my friends, and most notably, my ex boyfriend, I had a hormonal reaction. Let's just say, it's been awhile, and when you come to discover that all your friends are in relationships, with the exception of your ex, the casual sex applicant pool seems pretty shallow. Realizing I was still very very interested in my ex and knowing that wasn't going to happen, I did what any sexed-up 20 something with an iphone and cheap beer would do: I went online. At the suggestion and encouragement of my friends at the bar, I busted out my hand-held world-wide-webbing device and posted an ad on craigslist. Yes my friends, it was not a casual encounter, it was a "Casual Encounter". Within half an hour I had 4 responses, the next morning, a dozen more. For once, I felt like the prettiest girl at the dance. I responded to a couple of the ads after evaluating the applicants' photos, and the games began!

Now, granted, when you wake up in the morning, not drunk, and open your e-mail to receive sexual invites from men, sight unseen, it can feel a little awkward. But remember, it's only the internet, and who knows, maybe you're talking to a 12 year old girl. So, after a careful selection process based on level of creepiness, seeming level of desperation, and online humor, I went on a date.

I met the dude at a bar, and was surprised to see that he did not look exactly as I expected, or talk as much as he did online, but when you know there is the promise of sex, what's a hard-up girl supposed to do? The answer? Drink. Drink your ass off.

And so many stiff drinks later, we're off! I would love to say that this was a great experience, and everything went smoothly, and that anonymous sex on the internet is great, but, let's get real here. It's sex. It's always complicated. So...it started. We made out (not a great kisser, you forget that kissing is just kind of wet and awkward if you're not into the person), and then the clothes came off. I'd again like to say that we did it, I had multiple orgasms and everything was great, but no. At the end of some entended oral sex (score!) the dude announces that he drank too much, and has been feeling sick. Weak constitution? Can't hold his liquor? I don't know, and I don't care. All I can think is, thanks! Because: 1. I got off and 2. I didn't actually fuck someone from the internet. Double score!

Will I be doing this again anytime soon? Probably not. Was it satisfying? Well given the amount of alcohol ingested to get over my fears about the process, the memory of it is slight at best.

So, what have we learned? If you go on the internet, YOU WILL GET LAID, but don't expect much.