#9 - The Night I Got High On PCP

I was at one of those furtive warehouse parties deep in Flatbush when it happened. My friend “Greg” and I were tearing through cigarettes and four dollar vodka tonics. Greg was flying. He offered me some coke, but I declined; I only rarely even smoked pot. We were totally out of our element – we two bookstore clerks – but achieved a state of lucid comfort at around 2am on the roof of the warehouse.

On this roof, Greg and I spotted a cute girl and both attempted to hit on her at the same time. She wasn't having our drunken foolishness, but thought she might be able to get a cigarette out of the deal. Our packs were empty, so we both rushed out to try and bum one to curry her favor. A kid with Kanye West glasses and a shit-eating grin offered me a hand-rolled cigarette and I snatched it up immediately. Upon my return, our girl took one look at my gift and blanketly refused. As she walked away, Greg returned. “What the fuck was her problem?” We smoked that shit together and left the party.

I was by myself in the subway station when it hit me. I focused on the tiles on the opposite wall and time stopped. I was immediately aware of the musculature that ran from my shoulders to my fingertips. I could feel the underside of my skull. I sat there motionless waiting for the G train (probably for about 90 minutes, knowing the G train) and when it came I took great care in getting on, for with each footstep gravity seemed to have less of a hold on me.

Upon waking, I felt like shit obviously. I was catsitting in Williamsburg for the weekend and my friend “Joanna” came home to find me lying in her bed like a jelly. I told her of my night and her response was, “Yeah judging from your experience and where you were hanging out, it was probably PCP. Or maybe heroin.”

#6 - Smoke Weed Everyday

This entry came in via IM:

XXXXX: I smoke weed every day
often while im at work, too
during my lunch break

TMMSR: Does your mother know this?

XXXXX: heeeeeeell no

#4 - This One is a Doozy

My friend and I talk about these stories all the time. How our mothers have no idea who we really are, how they would be disappointed. My mom would tell me to go to church more often, get married, or have children. As if those are the things lacking in my life, and the sad things is, to her they are.


Sometimes these secrets are little innocent stories we don't want our mothers to know and sometimes they're slutty stories. Here's a few that come to mind...


I overdraft my checking account on a bi-monthly basis. And, I don't have overdraft protection. I lie and tell her I do, but I don't.


I will make-out with dudes for fun.


I show people my boobs for money. Not stripping, just strangers who are into that sort of thing.


I've had three ways.


My main motivation for going to the gyno is to be checked for STDs. Whatever else they due is a plus.


I have so much student loan debt, I'll be paying it off for 20 years. Most of the student loan debt was accured because I wanted to travel and buy cool clothes while in school. They (the banks- not my parents) gave me the checks and I cashed them. Now, I'm broke and overdrafting my account every other month. But, you already know that.

I charged up credit cards in college and never paid them.


I still smoke weed on a weekly basis and drink on a daily basis.

#2 - Cocaine is a Hell of a Drug

i used to have a huge cocaine problem. i mean massive. i did it all the time. 8 balls weren't enough. it was pathetic. I'd be snorting it up and thinking that i was going to have a stroke but I'd still be worried about how much i had and when I'd be getting more. i even shot it up sometimes which is more addictive than the drug itself (which isn't really addictive to your body, more like your mind). i cut down a lot a few years ago but still did it socially or when my nerves would get to me, and to keep my weight down. I'd show up at my parents' house or school high as a kite and no one would ever know. last year i went crazy with it and did 2 eight balls in a week because i was having a nervous breakdown. the cocaine psychosis didn't help and i ended up in the hospital. my parents don't think I've ever even smoked a cigarette. every day i fight the urge to use any type of drug again. it sucks but that's what i have to do to stay clean.